Re-focusing

All too often we get caught up in the moment and forget the reason why we are here. Sometimes we lose sight of the reasons why we put ourselves into certain positions and lose sight of our original visions. I came to Vancouver just over three months ago for several reasons. I was inspired by the beauty, climate, health and fitness minded citizens, create my own presence and purpose and be a part of something huge. I haven’t found what that “huge” thing is yet… but I know for certain the past 12 weeks have inspired and shaped me to reach the amazing point I find myself in today.

I’m a big believer in the idea that “everything happens for a reason.” Events take place and influence our lives on a daily basis. As we go about our daily routines we perceive certain situations as “good” and depending on your outlook on life, some as “bad.” I wish I could pin point a moment in my life where the “glass have full” switch flicked on in my head – but I honestly cannot figure out that exact moment. I remember the times in my life when all I felt were feelings of self-loathing, helplessness and negativity. I hated my body, which resulted in hating myself as a person. Depression crept into my soul and grabbed on with a firm grasp until I found it hard to remember what it was that made me happy anymore. I had forgotten what it felt like to be proud of myself, to look at myself in the mirror and love who was staring back and to be excited for the opportunities that lay ahead… until one day I realized I had more to offer than I gave myself credit for. The only person who was holding me back from achieving my big scary goals was myself.

I’ve come a long way from the overweight, self-loathing, unhappy girl that I used to be. The only goals I had at my lowest points were “losing weight” and “exercising.” I thought that by being skinny I would become a different version of myself, one who would get attention and be looked at by guys walking down the street, but it was never about the weight; it was the value I gave to myself. I fought with the “fat” thoughts at least 50 times a day. Every time I looked in the mirror I was looking down on myself. Even though I had a supportive family and wonderful friends, I couldn’t shake the thought that I wasn’t good enough… but one day I woke up and told myself I was tired of the constant self-loathing and negativity. I was tired of holding myself back from achieving the dreams I envisioned myself doing and began to change my thought process from constant negativity to constant positivity. Thank god I did!

I realize now it wasn’t losing the weight that influenced the person I have become, it was the journey of overcoming my fears, doubts and negativity that had plagued my mind for years. I see my life as a gift and appreciate every single day that I live it. I realize that I can do anything I set my mind to… but the hardest part is choosing exactly what cause/purpose/thoughts to focus my time on. Do I work full-time for a company I don’t believe in just to make money? Do I volunteer all of my time for a very worthy cause but struggle to pay my bills? Or, do I enjoy and leverage on every life-impacting opportunity I can in the process? I know what my obvious choice is… but unfortunately we cannot live for free.

I do however know a few valuable things that cost nothing to experience. I know people listen to me when I talk. I know smiling at random strangers makes them feel good. I know holding the door for the person behind you or being respectful of others’ opinions makes an impact on how they perceive the world and value their own self-worth. I know how beautiful nature is and enjoying the environment is priceless. I know the feeling I get of accomplishing goals is greater than any sum of money. Lastly, undoubtedly I know for certain that it costs nothing to make a lasting impression on someone – and I want to make an impact on someone else’s life.

I came to Vancouver to continue learning what it meant to love myself. I moved across this beautiful country to learn to appreciate the silence and stillness of the world. To recognize what types of situations motivate and inspire the creation of great and meaningful opportunities. Find those individuals who share the same passion for life that I do; not the “same exact passions” but have a passion for something in their life. I came to seek out determined and change-leading individuals who I could appreciate, learn and grow from.

I want to Make my Mark. I want to seek out that one thing that I’m capable of sharing to the world that allows for conspiring inspiration. We all start out not knowing which corner to turn or which path to take, some just see each opportunity as either half-empty or half-full.. it’s all in the perception. It’s my goal to influence perception. I want to make a difference in the lives of others. I’m not afraid to admit my weaknesses when I get derailed, but I also know how to utilize my strengths and eventually I always find a way to get right back on track.

I am writing this blog in order to inspire others to live the life they aspire to live. Whether it’s all about landing that job, pushing your body to the extreme or learning how to love yourself after mental anguish… I want to make my mark, reveal my challenges and accomplishments along the way and leaving a lasting impression on someone else’s life.

So what’s next might you ask?

I landed the dream job, have a great place to live and have seen how far I can push myself. I had a great conversation with a friend tonight (who actually started following my blog and we met up! Hi Jason!) and he really reminded me of the reasons I’m here and why I continuously set and achieve goals. It’s time to re-focus! Next up is finishing my 100-item bucket list, continuously work towards them over the summer and set a workout and food plan. My ultimate weight and body goal has not yet been reached… so I must regain my focus and get my plan to get myself there.

This weekend I’m working on re-focusing on my goals and finding my inspiration. Maybe you can help me  – What inspires you?